My mum has lived with alcoholism for longer than me and been affected by it more and in a different way. She was the one that was aware of the drinking and tried to hide it from the outside world, like the wives of many an alcoholic do.
These days she still has all the problems.
She cleans insanely at times, especially when people are coming to stay and you can see her stressing about it like it's the most important thing in the world.
She tries to control people, like she tried to stop the alcoholic drinking and never could, as the alcoholic has to stop themself. She will tell me time and time again to do something, all in a short space of time. Her control drives me insane, because I am so used to it that I can see it coming a mile off and instantly repel it, because quite often her demands are completely unreasonable, and even when they aren't i'll still repel it because any form of her control drives me mad.
I know i'm not better myself and still have some crazy habits, but I see them a lot more nowadays even if i can't always stop them. The worst thing is seeing these problems in my mum and sometimes stupidly i'll tell her and i know I shouldn't because there is no way I can make her goto Alanon or admit to having these problems.
Anyway, I'm about to run out of money and go crazy, so i'd better seek a job of some kind. I've found a new challenge recently, which is helping me socially, i'll explain more soon.
Thanks.
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sallyontour
Pro - 2008-03-13 @ 17:09:42
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cooladd
- http://cooladd.blog.co.uk
- 2008-03-20 @ 14:38:43
I already attend Alanon.
I'm sorry to hear about your father.I never knew my dad was an alcoholic until he had stopped drinking and i was about 15/16 then. I only ever remember seeing him drink once in my whole life, so i thought at times it was weird that he didn't drink!~>
It's ridiculous how much it has affected my life and how i'm now in a really lonely crappy place.-
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sallyontour
Pro
- 2008-03-20 @ 14:48:22
PM me if you want to talk xx
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My father
hadhas a drink problem which he is in denial about.My mother, who like yours has lived with the problem for a long time, has long given up attempts to control the drinking. Basically it's a case of 'too late now'.
My father was the pathologically controlling one, in any case. I know exactly what you mean about being reminded time and time again to do something, in the space of minutes. If I spend any time with him I soon become the rebellious teenager I used to be.
My father is not a raging alcoholic who stays out all night and shits his pants, but rather a home problem drinker who has a two or three glasses of wine but then sneaks into the kitchen to secretly top up if he thinks you're not looking, or will empty the dregs of your glass into his if he spots an opportunity to say he thought you'd abandoned it. He will drink until he falls asleep which thankfully, at the age of 77, does not take long these days.
But he's only fooling himself.
You can't force your mum to go to Alanon, but you can attend yourself if you don't already.
All the best, and big hugs XXX