I'm very Lonely at the moment. Today is a very bad day for me. The weathers crap and that means I can't go for a walk and say Hi to the odd stranger, making me feel like I actually have friends to do things with.

Am i such an undesirable person that no one wants to be friends with me? in my friendly, kind ways do i repel people away ? it's getting to me a lot.

Perhaps I seem too needy at times and that drives people away, because if truth be told, I am in need of friends. I don't have the confidence, charisma, ability to hold my end of a conversation, tell interesting stories. All these social skills I don't have, but seem to need.

Surely i'm not that bad a person to be around. If only people stuck around long enough to find that out. I'm rambling on, I know. I don't care though.

Sometimes I tell my mind to fuck off, when I start going into a trance staring at this screen, doing nothing useful, or when I get a build up of anxiety or negative thoughts pounding me again and again and again. I feel like i'm trying to shake my mind away from me, It's like these problems are physically there. I'm shaking my head and it doesn't help much.

I need to go post a letter for my mum, but something in my mind is stopping me, fuck my mind though i'm going to go.

As you can see from this post, my mind is crazy, thinking this that this that that this. It's a crazy place to be. I can't focus on one thing because my mind seems to be engaged all the time, throwing crazy thoughts here and there and everywhere, like a yoyo.

Anyway perhaps this will give you an insight into my current thoughts /mindset.